iwillfightbetter

My ongoing and ever evolving story of recovery from an eating disorder and depression. Constantly learning, changing and growing. It can be a beautiful process and is worth the hard work. Seeking healthy relationship with food and exercise. To run without the mental torture and eat without a calorie calculator in my head. To dream and aspire because there is so much more life available without an ED. To look in mirrors. To enjoy food. To discover why this happened and challenge every false assumption. To re-learn who I am. To quit dieting and love health, nutrition and fitness with COMPASSION for myself. For this to be worth something. To help others. For this to be the making of me, not what tears me down.

TO FIGHT. Challenge accepted.
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recoverymoose:

No denial, no ‘clean eating’, no over exercise, no restriction, no ‘preferences’ (that aren’t really preferences, just anorexia being sneaky), no ‘special bowls’, no semi-starvation levels of nutrition, no appeasing anorexia, no constantly justifying your blatantly restrictive intakes.

No quasi recovery.
No excuses.
No bullshit.
Real recovery.
Real life.
Real you.

Trust me. It’s worth it.

(via stayrecoveredponyboy)

alstor:

dekarichan:

it never ends

My whole life in a gif.

(via burpeesandbananas)

themarathonofholdingon:

I’m getting real tired of this whole super intensive hating-my-body thing

Just wanted to share! Even in the midst of my trouble with my body image and weight and food and how deeply upset and despairing I am in my life right now, I am trying to focus on stuff like this. I can still run. So I will.

I love running and enter lots of races just to have goals and motivation for my running and don’t like to try and raise money for all of them because I know people can’t keep donating over and over. I decide to save my justgiving pages for the big runs.
I did this run last year but this year it has extra poignancy. Since dad has been diagnosed with cancer the Lynda Jackson Macmillan Centre has already been such a help at a time when my family are not sure about what step to take next. They took the time to talk to Mum and I and help us find direction and what to do next. It was a breath of fresh air. 

Finding out that this run was linked to the Centre I decided this would be a run I did try and raise money for. Anything at all makes a difference and now I have seen first hand the amazing work they do it has added a whole new perspective to exactly what it means to people that this place exists. 

Bought mum a gift (which I happen to be very excited for too). But with dad home from hospital mum couldn’t get out to have her coffees ☕️🍰 etc which used to be her thing. She didn’t mind of course but I thought i would bring the nice coffee to her so she can make proper cappuccinos at home now! I love my coffee, too! Exciting! Was half price, too!
Unfortunately dad got taken back into hospital yesterday so it’s all been very stressful and upsetting again but trying to keep going. The little things help! Mums eyes went big 👀.
#tassimo #coffee #cappucino #lovecoffee #coffeemachine #housesmellsamazing

I am sorry for filling you with beer and bad thoughts and then asking you why you shook. I am sorry for pinching you, for hitting you, for bruising the thin-skinned parts of you. I am sorry for the names I called you when we were fighting. You are not ugly. You are not useless. You would not be better off gone. I’m sorry for almost throwing you out into the street because my sadness was too much for me. I’m sorry for carving my fingernails into your thigh and then resenting the way people asked, “How’d that happen?” I’m sorry for plucking you and nicking your calves with drugstore razors. I’m sorry I let some people see you in the moonlight. They didn’t deserve to know the color of your hips like I do. I’m sorry for leaving you convulsing over a toilet bowl over some boy. I’m sorry I did not thank you for simply trying to take me where I wanted to go. I’m sorry I screamed at you to shrink, shrink, shrink when all you could do was grow. I’m sorry that this apology is ten years too late. I’m sorry that it will probably come again. I’m sorry that I do not treat anybody else as poorly as I have treated you. I’m sorry that I am constantly learning how to love you, when you have never once doubted how you feel about me. I’m sorry in ways I have not yet learned to communicate.
An Apology to My Body | Lora Mathis (via lora-mathis)

(via stayrecoveredponyboy)

Cashew has a new friend. Bethan got me the best gift ❤️🐹We have named him Pistachio. #hamster #hamstersofinstagram #obsessed #cute #pet

damianmcgintleman:

"you’re too young to determine your sexuality" said no one to the heterosexual teenager

(via bonafidepie)

unburdenin-g:

yes my body is healthy but my head is still jumbled and numbers still plague my every thought and there’s nothing i want more than to crawl back into the shell that i was

so please don’t assume that i’m ‘better’ just because now there’s padding between my bones and my skin. i’m far from it and i wish that somehow people could see my struggle

(via mi-recovery-warrior)

Breakfast today was swell. High protein bread (cut into soldiers after😉) and 2 soft boiled eggs. Love me some runny yolk.

Things have been so horrendous I didn’t want to eat anything at all but I know all too well that that will get me nowhere. Can’t find balance 😢
#edrecovery #recovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #eggs #protein #nom #ednos #ednosrecovery #breakfast #foodismedicine #trying #keepgoing #bingeeatingdisorder #bingeeating #anorexiarecovery #bulimiarecovery

Early morning run.

Things are really tough at the moment but trying to keep running & keep going.


#nature #goodmorning #sunrise #dawn #sun #sky #morning #running #run #keepgoing #ruislip #clouds (at Ruislip, West London)

You don’t have to be emaciated or vomiting to be suffering. All people who live their lives on a diet are suffering.
Portia de Rossi, Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain (via lilladylazarus)
Don’t live the same year 75 times and call it a life.

Robin Sharma (via severs)

This hit me like a brick…

(via knitting-books)

(via bonafidepie)

winter-glitter-red:

this is one of the best thing I have seen in my life.

(via summerof-recovery)