My ongoing and ever evolving story of recovery from an eating disorder and depression. Constantly learning, changing and growing. It can be a beautiful process and is worth the hard work. Seeking healthy relationship with food and exercise. To run without the mental torture and eat without a calorie calculator in my head. To dream and aspire because there is so much more life available without an ED. To look in mirrors. To enjoy food. To discover why this happened and challenge every false assumption. To re-learn who I am. To quit dieting and love health, nutrition and fitness with COMPASSION for myself. For this to be worth something. To help others. For this to be the making of me, not what tears me down.

TO FIGHT. Challenge accepted.
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Here’s the link for more information about the PS244 fundraising campaign

Here’s the link to the GIVE IT ALL TO ME Library Collection at OutofPrintClothing.com.

Check it out! The good folks dropped me a line about this project last week, and I’m happy to boost for Library Week.

Signal boost

So hey, #education…

I love these.  Love them.  And for a great cause.


(via one-bite-at-a-time)

For the times you are tempted to go back to being sick, remember the way you felt when you laid awake in bed listening to your heartbeat. Remember the way it beat slowly, the way you felt it screaming through your neck begging for sustenance. Begging for life. For food. For nourishment. That was you body’s way of whispering desperation and fear.
Things in my journal  (via oddi-tea)

(via letgotolovelife)



everyone needs a waving snail on their blog

i feel that if I scroll past this and don’t reblog it the snail is going to look to the ground and cry

that comment

im sold

gotta do it now

(via you-are-worth-recovery)


recovery is hard

don’t let anybody invalidate your struggles and say you just need to eat because it’s not about that 

recovery is changing the entire way your mind works and how you perceive the world 

it’s like standing in front of a red wall and saying “this wall is yellow” and then trying to believe it


This is a reminder that you are allowed to be proud of your accomplishments. Even if it’s something like advancing in your recovery or learning to draw a perfect kitten or finally being able to make a perfect batch of lasagna. Anyone who tells you that your accomplishments are insignificant because they don’t get you into an Ivy League school or set world records or get you lots of money can go to hell.

Great paragraph from the new book I am reading. Working on finding a balance. I am susceptible to going overboard when eating fear foods. It is my black and white thinking. Almost like my head wants to prove that balance and moderation can’t happen. To keep on with this ed because I have no choice. But it can happen. I truly believe that. It’s scary allowing things again and it feels like I am doing something so very wrong. But as this says I always need to learn to sit with feelings. I’ve had some bad days but also have maintained determination and positivity. I woke up after a binge and said to myself “it’s ok Ruth, you’re okay, you can do this”. Such kindness to myself never existed before. I can’t keep in this cycle. “I always have the next meal to try again”. I am learning to have patience and be okay with mistakes. I was such a bully to myself. I am trying to work with myself again. It has taken me nearly 2 years of battle to finally manage this but the relief is immediate. Not sure how I ever was so convinced that hating on myself could ever bring positive change. #edrecovery #eatingdisorder #bingeeatingdisorder #bingeeating #ednos #ednosrecovery #weight #foodismedicine #foodisfuel #bekindtoyourself #healing #hope #leorafulvio #reclaimyourselffrombingeeating #bingefree


"Being thin and not eating" are not signs of true will power. True will power was my ability to face my eating disorder head on and defy everything it told me. True will power was crying when food was put in front of me but still managing to eat it. True will power was accepting treatment and getting help to save my life. Your life matters. You deserve help.

(via lordstilllovesme)

Entered the Easter 10K at Regents Park on 21st April :) it’s one I can actually get to without a car. Decided to just do this alone as I don’t have anyone free who enjoys running like me. My mum even said she might come with me to watch which would mean the world to me. Excited! #running #runner #10k #loverunning #regentspark #easter10k #nicework #londoneaster10k #fitness

Exactly one year since I decided to start running properly and this is my total. Found it so hard at beginning and some days still do. It is the one thing that has remained consistent throughout a multitude of mindsets. Sometimes done not for the best reasons and punishing mindset and sometimes just for the absolute joy of moving but it always seems to be helping me. I love running. I want to have more confidence in myself and not pressure myself with times and calories. This is already a lot better and when I do manage it I run further and faster with a lighter mind. I am so happy the weather is getting nice again so I can run outside. I feel for and strong and my ultimate dream is that half/full marathon. So much of running is the mind so this is where I need to work. I’m so proud that I’ve stayed dedicated to something. It’s helped me so much to understand and work on my relationship with food. Food helps me run and is not the enemy. #running #run #runner #nikeplus #loverunning #recovery #edrecovery #ednos #ednosrecovery #healing #depression #fitness #healthy #marathon #foodismedicine #foodisfuel #eatingdisorder #anorexiaathletica #bingeeating #bingeeatingdisorder